All men cheat?

So do you honestly believe that there are men out there that really don't EVER cheat? I don't know at some point I honestly believed that there were few men out there... but I think the past few years I've come to realize that no... there aren't any. So I think a lot has to do w/ spending the past 6-7 yrs hanging out with so many guy friends. It's so weird!!! I just don't understand. I mean I guess I do, b/c maybe if I were a guy I could see where they are coming from. So today I have a long one hour conversation with my male friend about it and he honestly told me that he can't think of a guy/friend/family member that has never cheated. Now out of all the ppl that you know how many males friends do you KNOW have never cheated? I had this one friend in Florida who I thought was the sweetest guy ever, I admired his relationship with his gf b/c he treated her like a QUEEN.. I mean they were perfect - their families got together and they partied and it wasn't until the day that he came on to me that I was like wtf? Then he tells me about another girl etc etc.. anyways the point is that isn't this crazy? I know I'm rambling and probably not flowing with my blog (I'm an engineer I'm not use to gathering thoughts and putting them in order I just get them out...lol) So today I learned that this man that I've known for about 8 yrs a family man, father of 3 kids, married for over 30 yrs etc... that HE cheats on his wife. Now ladies u don't understand.. this is the LAST person on EARTH that I would imagine doing something like this - goes to church Sunday, caring man, like u don't understand never ever would I have thought that and today I learned this and I was shocked like it hurt me to know it. I can't look at him the same way ever. Anyway, so the thing is that guys are so good.. I mean they treat their wives/gf's like a queen and then they go do this? Now my question is do you think that you can love someone and cheat on them?
See at first I thought that this wasn't possible, I thought - if you are in love w/ someone you would never even be tempted to want to be w/ someone else. Now, i think that this is possible. See my theory is that for guys sex is all about satisfaction - just for fun just for pleasure. No strings attached. It's like going out for ice cream... or a walk in the park... no feelings just the instant pleasure. So a lot of them don't do it b/c they are unsatisfied in their relationships or they don't love who they are with - I think they do it just b/c it feels good so why not do it if it comes up? Now (damn I keep changing my line of thought), do you think that the girl that knows she is messing w/ a taken man has fault?
So my friend today tells me - "u girls are all stupid. You feel guilty if you like a guy that has a girl. I say if you like a guy and hes not married go for it, b/c if you don't then someone else will" So I tell him - yeah I think that it's just a matter of respect. We put ourselves in the other girls' shoes and we wouldn't want to be them getting played. He responds "well what is it to you - if anything he should feel bad. and that's where u girls are wrong - u think that only b/c u don't do it it won't be done to you... all guys cheat" Then he mentions it being different if you know the girl but if u don't then "what is it to you?"
Do you think that you can genuinely be happy w/ a guy that is cheating on you as long as you don't know?? I know so many older women, aunts, parents etc, that stay w/ men even after finding out that they have cheated. I'm like no f*cking way will I stay w/ them and how could these women be ok w/ this? Is it b/c they know what we don't know - that ALL men cheat? Do you think that they feel that as long as they bring home money, are there for the kids, and come home to them at night that that is enough for them to stay w/ them? Do you think they think that we don't know and they try to set this "family" example and stay "together"? So I look at my guy friends and their girl friends and I can tell you something ladies. When you see these multiple couples they are happy! They are hugging kissing - i love u, i love u more...lol.. etc etc.. and these girls are happy, they are happy w/ their man. Yet u take the girls away and bring new ones and there are the guys acting like they are single. My thing is - if you love someone how can you RISK getting caught and losing such a great person? - is it b/c there are a lot of great girls out there that they can take that risk? or is it b/c they are confident that they can ask for forgiveness and the girls won't go away. U know why I ask the latter.. b/c my friends are good guys (haha.. funny I said that) - when I say good, I mean that they treat their girls good, take care of them when they are sick, help them out when they need to, they don't beat them, they don't belittle them, and they are not assholes to them... they treat their girls good. So compared to a lot of guys out there that actually are assholes - do you rather be w/ an asshole or a good guy that cheats on u? I know I know.. the answer is neither... but still...
Now I know that girls cheat too blah blah but that's just another topic we're talking about men here. I think that guys just have the ability to separate emotion and physical while us girls even when we try to just have a "f*cking buddy" etc.. we end up mixing the two. That's why to them it's no big deal while to us it means so much...
Now I know I asked like 50 questions and i rambled and started a thought and didn't' really finish and started a new one...lol.. but i had so many thoughts i just wrote as they came..lol...
So how do you girls feel about this?

PS. I tried to wait till midnight so that it can be a blog for Jan 16 but I'm tired now and going to bed. Night Night!!

6 comments:

I really enjoyed reading your lengthy blog. I must say as a guy a agree with you. All my friends are exactly as you described. I really do think that in order to find a guy who may be the exception to the rule you have to look at his up-bringing. See I was raised by my mom and 2 sisters. I was 6 when my dad had an affair that eventually led to him leaving my mother for good. I had to watch her cry and go thru all of that. My sisters had boyfriends and they would also cheat and I would see how that would make them feel. Witnessing all of this made me take a stance on the whole cheating thing from an early age.

I've been in a relationship where I've met another girl who started to make me feel a certain way and that's when I decided that it was time to do the right thing and put an end to my relationship. See when you are completely in love with someone you should only have feelings for that person and that person should satisfy you in everyway. There should be no need for a guy or girl to be messing around when they are dique "in love". If someone is cheating, in my opinion, then there is something mising in their relationship that leads them to look elsewhere.

January 16, 2008 at 1:45 PM  

Ok to make this simple…I’m going to answer each question as simply as possible without going into a crazy rant…let’s see how this goes…

So do you honestly believe that there are men out there that really don't EVER cheat?
Yes I do…I believe that there are men that fall so deeply in love that they don’t cheat….these are usually the men that choose the chicks that are jerks and get cheated on…sucks…but it’s true.

Now out of all the ppl that you know how many males friends do you KNOW have never cheated?
I think maybe 2-5% of the men I know have never cheated. So it’s a very very tiny number…and for the record…I think ALL of them have been cheated on or are being cheated on right now…sucks but true!

Now my question is do you think that you can love someone and cheat on them?
Nope…I don’t think so…if you cheat…then u might love them…but u are not IN love with them because when you are in love…you are completely blind to anything and anyone that might get in the way.

do you think that the girl that knows she is messing w/ a taken man has fault?
Fault? Yes…partially…maybe 10% her fault and 90% his…because she has no obligations towards the girlfriend’s/ wife’s feelings…HE does.

Do you think that you can genuinely be happy w/ a guy that is cheating on you as long as you don't know??
Be happy? Yes…Genuinely happy? No…problem is…you ALWAYS find out….OR you somehow already knew it but were denying it. So u can be all happy pretending everything is great and going on with your lovey dovey stage…but deep inside…you’re screwed up.

do you rather be w/ an asshole or a good guy that cheats on u?
Hmmm…let’s see…I rather have neither…but if I HAD to choose…I guess id go for the good guy and try to convince myself that murder is bad lol

January 16, 2008 at 3:12 PM  

DO all ment cheat? Yes.. if they don't actually do or have not yet... they secretly want to at some point and eventually, probably, will... I think it's in their nature and has nothing to do with us or whether we, their loving partners, are good enough. Even if they're in a committed and fulfilling relationships, their eyes naturally wander when they say nice tatas or a big ass. It's sad. I wish it weren't true. But I think that in the course of this LONG life, if you're in a long-term serious relationship, it'll happen and it may not ruin the relationship or even be consequential to the relationship. In some situations, it may just be something we have to eventually overlook. Is it right? NO. Should we hold it against them and never forget? Always. That's why women are better. That's why your great guy friend treated his girl like a queen (because he knew he was bad and she deserves better). This is why all women should be treated with chivalry and sweetness... because we have to deal with men and their weak, penis-driven, sensibilities and for the rest of time, they'll always have to be askin for our forgiveness.

January 16, 2008 at 5:16 PM  

Wellll...as a person in a relationship, of course i'm gonna say no they don't all cheat! lol. Because to go into any relationship with the "all men cheat" mentality is wrong and will bring out my jealous psycho bitch side and i'll be unbearable. but anyway..."if your heart is nowhere in it, i don't want it for a minute"

I do agree that when a guy is truly in love and head over heels about a girl then he will be faithful. I just don't think it happens as often but when they do fall, they fall just as hard. It just doesn't happen as often. and sometimes a lot of women in fuck buddy situations confuse deep infatuation with love. you're ok with it at first and then u have sex and suddenly he's the most beautiful creature you've ever seen.
and there are so many ways to look at this. Women are from mars, men are from venus bla bla Some say we're just animals and the male is just supposed to plant his seed in as many women as he can. Ooga ooga! It is still very much "a man's world" and men are still socialized to treat and see women in ways that are not conducive to long faithful relationships.

in regard to seeing aunts/older women/parents etc that stay with their husbands after finding out that they cheated...theyre old school and i like to think that times are a-changin. Even if youre not religious, our cultures were embedded with religious beliefs and traditional ideas that a woman cannot survive without hubby and that marriage is sacred yada yada yada

i also agree with what jay said...in a lot of cases, if someone is cheating, then there is something missing in the relationship. the problem is that these days there's always something missing! lol. First of all, we get fed these fairy tale stories about love and "prince charmings" and finding "the one" that people don't realize that relationships take work and effort. If you're lucky it won't be that much work. But people see conflict and run. (And sometimes run to someone else =/ lol) Then on top of this, look at the world we live in today. Media, technology etc...we're selfish and impatient. We want what we want when we want it. And we want to be happy aaand look glamorous while getting it. And we're lazy. Too lazy to put the effort in and some are too lazy and too scared to deal with the drama of hurting someone and ending a relationship. Instead u can just get on ur phone and turn to ur myspace jumpoff. So then we're all unhappy and everyone and their mom is on antidepressants =/ lol

how you gonna win when you ain't right within?

Anyway, i had more to say but i hit the back button and lost it all...too lazy to write it over ;-)

January 17, 2008 at 9:58 AM  

Damn could we have a more confusing conversation here? I don't even know what i think anymore with everyone making these good points lol.

Oh and cc...good look on keepin the blog musical with the Lauryn quote ;-)

January 17, 2008 at 11:14 AM  

You see I totally disagree with this whole "all men cheat" viewpoint.

I also disagree that if you cheat, it's because something is missing in your relationship. Whatever happened to something might just happen? Also, what about sex addicts like Eric Benet who can't seem to get enough. There isn't just one explanation, but a myriad of them.

Women might as well stay single if their going to have this in the back of their mind on how their man will cheat. You have to trust. Trust seems like a foreign word nowadays. Women take on their friend's baggage and believe all men will cheat because their father or brother or girlfriends boyfriend did. You have to treat each individual case differently.

I can't sit here and say that some men give us a bad name. It's not about those men, its those people that choose to typecast all of us because of that one man. It's a stereotype. And I know people don't like those.

January 23, 2008 at 11:34 AM  

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