musical laughter

Hmmm .. what can I say. I have been slacking!! Mostly this happened b/c I stopped logging on from home and well I was blocked at work so I just gave up. What is funny is that all of a sudden I can access it.. so what does it mean? It's a sign that I should write.
So what is there to say.... well I have a few things on my mind. First of all I have noticed that I've been kind of down lately. I am really upset w/ myself and all the things I have not done. So 3 months ago i was really motivated and wrote down all these programs i want to apply to and well lets just say 3 months later i'm sitting here - didn't apply to any one of them already passed and the one that i really want to do is due in 2 wks. They are really competitive programs but I will never know if i can get in if I dont try! I'm so upset. Why do I lack the motivation? What do I need to do in order to get up off my feet and just start moving? What happened to the old me that would just wake up early and go to the library to do problem sets on her own, or the one that just got up one day packed and left the state... or even more recent - when I would wake up at 545am to make it to the gym by 6am every m orning... what happened? Are there anti-lazy pills that I can take?
This is upseting - more upseting knowing that I can do it but I don't. I would feel better if I tried and got rejected b/c at least I tried. How many more gmat books do I need to buy before I actually get to it? GMAT 2010? :(
Not a good day.
Feeling quite blue.....
-Flaca