musical laughter

So after being here for almost 3 years, I resigned from my job on Wednesday and it's been nothing but a whirlwind of emotions and stress. It took me two days just to get the words out and then I teared up while saying "I'm resigning." While I always knew that I wouldn't stay here forever because it's not going to lead me where I want to go, it's no doubt that this place has become somewhat of a second home/family to me. For the most part, everyone here is so great and I've been very lucky in that respect. After breaking the news, I did feel a sense a relief but then reality set in. And the reality changes everyday.

I'm going to be a full time grad student and it's exciting to think about moving in another direction, being a student again and not living the 9 to 5 lifestyle. But it's not exciting to not have steady income coming in and not have health insurance. Will I be able to find a part-time job that won't drive me up the wall? Or should i just take anything because a job is a job and all I hear and read about is how bad the economy is right now and how we should just hold on to what we have? I am taking a risk because I'm still not sure about how beneficial this degree will be for me. And I'm 26 and still trying to figure things out. I've been all over the internet reading about other ppl whining just like me because time's are a-changin' and a degree is just not what it used to be. This, I'm sure, doesn't help my situation. People who are unhappy are more likely to go online and vent...and misery loves company.

Then that just opens up a whole 'nother can of slimy worms. I have days when I just think that it doesn't matter where I work. Career schmeer. A job will not define me. Whether I like the job or not. In this country, we spend way too much time at work. While for some it's an opportunity to do great and fun things or make a real difference, for most it's really just a means to an end. Ideally, it should be more than this. But it's all easier said than done. I've been trying to find a way to balance what I care about with what I think I can actually be good at (something I think people forget) and then find out what's the fastest way to get to wherever that is. In the meantime, I can only try to stay positive and push out images of me surrounded by bills with a negative bank account balance.

On another note, Friday night I had a dream that I was going bald in different spots and it felt so real I woke up checking my head. I looked it up in my dream book and it said that dreaming of going bald signifies feelings of disempowerment. Interesting because I'm definitely starting to feel financially weaker! Preparing myself for the possibility of cutting out spur of the moment shopping and $60 waxes and many other things I technically don't need to survive. Le sigh.

And finally, I'm going to try to blog more. Simply because I want to work on my writing. And I'm also going to change the layout on this damn thing...

Everything's gonna be alright.